And what was shoved into the centre from the peripheral was this: I went to a respected, incredibly well-funded school; I was saved a lot of trouble and time at embassies and border offices; I had tutors hired to teach me the piano, algebra, Mandarin, classical guitar and swimming, who were all paid a fraction of what they would have earned had they worked in Japan. I reaped the benefits of my Japanese forefathers’ murders and I escaped the loss of my Chinese ancestors because I hold a Japanese passport, have a Japanese name, know more Japanese than Mandarin. One afternoon, a group of men burned Japanese flags next to our car stalled in traffic; I conveniently tucked away my Japanese identity then, refraining from speaking with my accented Mandarin and silently waiting for the scene to end. I moved to China, and I asked that the Chinese let me live off of their structural, historical damage, without giving a single thought to their colonial throes.

o no it’s midnight anniversary ended! in conclusion david is the best boy I’ve ever met and he could definitely win Best Boyfriend Worldwide Championship. ^__^

See, identity changes over time. Or, in my instance, I let different parts of my identity surface after keeping them down desperately. Or, what was only in the peripheral was shoved into the centre of my vision. I called myself Japanese, never Chinese, for the first decade of my life. And then I stopped calling myself Japanese. “I’m International,” I’d joke. Now I know this: I am Japanese and Chinese. My parents spoke to me in near-perfect Japanese and whispered between themselves in old Chinese words. I call my Chinese grandmother おばあちゃん but also 奶奶。The immovable facts: 爷爷 was tortured by the Japanese Imperialist Army; 爷爷 and 奶奶 spoke Japanese with accents; my father cried and put his head on the ground when he fell in love with my Japanese mother, to which 爷爷 said, “don’t apologise.”

David and I just skyped he’s so kind he’s so kind!!!!!!!! I ended up talking about big things and crying and I apologised for going on and on and on with my sob story and he said “no no I want to support you!” and how he believes in me and ahhh best babe in all the world!!!

yeah Mehreen is right why did that tell me to not apply to Columbia?! why is Mehreen so much more helpful than a professor with a goddamn PhD?!

SEE HE’S PLAYING WITH WORDS AGAIN OMG

david’s response to my goopyposts

I wish I looked as good as Jo when hungover

I’M GOING TO GET PUBLISHED GET READY WORLD LISTEN TO ME TALK ABOUT SERIOUS TOPICS WHICH I STILL HAVEN’T DECIDED YET BUT Y’KNOW

bocks replied to your post: guess what? guess what? guess what? I had a 3.8…

wtf?!?! u can still apply to columbia rena

talking to Mehreen now